Finding Joy Again: A Mom's Guide to Reclaiming Yourself After Survival Mode
You were never lost — just buried under the weight of everything you carry.
There's a moment — maybe during a rare quiet drive or after bedtime when the house is finally still — where you wonder: Who am I now?
If you've been operating in survival mode — keeping the tiny humans alive, keeping work barely afloat, keeping up with life's never-ending tasks — it's normal to feel like somewhere along the way, you lost your spark. Joy feels far away. You miss the you from before. And you're not even sure how to get her back.
Let me start by saying this:
You are still in there.
And joy isn't gone — it's just been waiting.
What Is "Survival Mode" in Motherhood?
Survival mode is waking up tired, pushing through anyway, and falling asleep with a to-do list still running in your mind. It's knowing your kid's shoe size and snack preferences but not remembering the last time you laughed — really laughed.
It's not a weakness. It's what happens when you're asked to do too much with too little support.
🖇️ Related: Recognizing and Overcoming Mom Burnout
Why We Lose Ourselves (Even If We Love Our Kids)
Let's be clear: losing yourself doesn't mean you're not grateful.
It means you've been putting everyone else first. You've been showing up for your family, your work, and your responsibilities. And somewhere in all that showing up, your own needs began to fade into the background.
You used to read. Paint. Workout. Sing in the car. Dream about your next move. And now? You're just tired.
That doesn't make you a bad mom. It makes you human.
5 Gentle Steps to Rediscover Joy
1. Start With Curiosity, Not Judgment
Please don't beat yourself up for how long it's been. Instead, ask:
What used to light me up?
What sounds fun, even if it's impractical right now?
What did I used to love doing — just for me?
Joy doesn't have to look like a weekend getaway or a big project. It can start as small as a morning playlist or making your favorite coffee just the way you like it.
2. Schedule Something Just for You — No Guilt Attached
It doesn't have to be fancy. But it does need to be just yours.
A walk alone. A podcast. A bookstore visit. Time to write or doodle. A dinner with friends.
Put it on the calendar and treat it like a doctor's appointment. Not because it's optional — but because it's essential.
3. Let Go of What "Used to Be" and Welcome What's Becoming
You are not the same person you were before motherhood — and that's not a loss. It's an evolution.
Joy might not look the same today, and that's okay. It might come through simpler things: the way your baby looks at you, a favorite candle, dancing in the kitchen, or those 15 minutes of silence.
Look for joy in this season — not the one you left behind.
🖇️ Related: Let Go of "Perfect Mom" Pressure: 5 Lies to Stop Believing Today
4. Reconnect With Something That Feels Like You
Start with one thing that made you feel alive before life got chaotic. Did you love photography? Podcasts? Journaling? Pilates? Baking?
Find a way to sprinkle it back in — even if just once a month. These little pieces add up. They rebuild your identity brick by brick.
5. Speak Kindly to Yourself
That voice in your head? It matters. So shift the script:
Instead of "I'm failing at everything," try
👉 "I'm doing the best I can with what I have."
Instead of "I don't even know who I am anymore," try
👉 "I'm in the process of remembering and rebuilding."
Words matter. Especially the ones we whisper to ourselves.
Joy Doesn't Have to Be Big — It Just Has to Be Real
Joy doesn't always look like a celebration. Sometimes it's just a quiet cup of coffee in a room you cleaned yesterday. A belly laugh with your toddler. A playlist that makes you feel 20 again. A moment where the noise fades and you remember — oh yeah, this is me.
You're Still In There, Mama
This isn't about becoming who you were before kids. It's about becoming more fully yourself — with all the layers and strength that motherhood has added.
You don't have to have a 5-year plan or even a 5-day plan. You just need a moment today that feels good. That feels like you. That reminds you: joy is not gone — it's just been on pause.
It's time to press play.
