The Mental Load Is Real: Why Working Moms Are So Tired (and What You Can Do About It)
Because it's not "just" work and parenting. It's everything in between, too.
Let's Get Real for a Second
Ever found yourself walking into a room and forgetting why you went in there, holding a crying baby, mentally writing an email, and wondering if you had switched the laundry?
If you're a working mom, this is the norm. Not because you're disorganized or dramatic, but because you're carrying an invisible backpack filled with mental load, and it's heavy. There are numerous tasks to remember, follow up on, and complete each day.
The mental load is the never-ending checklist of invisible tasks that keep your household, job, and life running. It's remembering the class snack schedule, booking the pediatrician appointment, and keeping track of when everyone's shoes will be too small.
And if you're feeling exhausted, it's not in your head. It's in your brain, your body, and your calendar.
What Exactly Is the Mental Load?
The term "mental load" refers to all the behind-the-scenes thinking, planning, organizing, and remembering that often falls disproportionately on moms, especially working moms. You might not be physically doing everything, but you're often the one making sure everything gets done.
Some examples:
Remembering what groceries are running low
Tracking family appointments
Noticing when the diaper stash is dwindling
Planning dinner (even when your partner cooks)
Coordinating child care
Sending thank-you notes (eventually)
Managing work deadlines on top of all of this
This type of invisible labor is real work, and it is exhausting. I was smiling with a friend earlier this week that my "to-do lists" have lists, and that it can be challenging to keep track of everything going on.
Why It Hits Working Moms So Hard
Because we're operating in two demanding spheres (career and parenting) without much pause between them. You go from client calls to Lego tower building, from writing reports to cleaning up spilled milk, all while mentally tracking a to-do list that never ends.
And let's not forget the emotional load of worrying about whether you're doing enough, being enough, or being present enough in both roles.
Spoiler: You're doing better than you think.
Signs You're Carrying Too Much Mental Load
Here are a few red flags to watch for:
You feel anxious when nothing is immediately wrong
You wake up tired, even if you got enough sleep
Your mind races with to-dos when you're trying to relax
You feel irritable over "small things"
You find yourself multitasking even when you don't want to
You rarely feel like you've "done enough" at the end of the day
Sound familiar? You're not broken, but you could be burning out or burnt out.
So What Can We Actually Do?
You can't just "drop the load" completely (wouldn't that be nice?), but there are ways to lighten it.
1. Say It Out Loud
Discuss with your partner, boss, or a trusted friend. Name the mental load. When it's invisible, it stays your responsibility. When it's acknowledged, it becomes something that can be shared.
"I'm carrying a lot of mental load right now — can we talk about ways to share it more evenly?"
2. Delegate Like a Boss
You don't have to do everything yourself. Whether it's your partner, a childcare provider, or even your older child — let others help.
Even if they do it differently than you would, that's okay. Done is better than perfect.
3. Write It Down
Brain dump your entire mental to-do list onto paper or into a notes app. You'll feel instant relief just from getting it out of your head.
Then group tasks: what's urgent, what can wait, and what can be deleted altogether (we're looking at you, Pinterest-perfect birthday party plans).
4. Build In Micro-Moments of Rest
You may not get a spa day, but you can give yourself 10 minutes to drink your coffee hot, take a walk, or scroll guilt-free. These little recharges add up.
5. Stop "Shoulding" Yourself
You don't have to do it all, remember it all, or be it all. You're allowed to be a good mom and a good employee without burning out in the process.
Let go of the guilt and embrace grace instead.
You're Not Weak — You're Carrying Too Much
There is nothing wrong with you. You're not behind. You're just juggling more than anyone can see.
It's okay to ask for help. It's okay to set boundaries, and it's okay to protect your own peace. You will find that you are happier, healthier, and a better mom/professional/etc. when you find little ways to protect your peace. The challenge is finding what works best not just for your kids, but for you as well.
You are showing up in a thousand small, meaningful ways every day. And that matters more than any color-coded calendar or flawless meal plan ever will.
More Working Mom Life Support from All Speech Mom:
How to Set Boundaries in the Workplace (for Moms Who've Had Enough)
The Ultimate Back-to-Work Checklist for Moms Returning After Baby
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